Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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