i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
