can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
