I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
