Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
