I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
