butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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