I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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