mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize