so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
