He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
