You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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