You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
