I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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