just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize