I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
