somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
