He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize