I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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