im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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