I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
