How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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