And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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