you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
