Midget sex pt 2 tonight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
