90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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