Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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