Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
