when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
