yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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