we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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