Sponge bath it is.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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