like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
