How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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