Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
