terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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