First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
