i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
