Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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