Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
