i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
