Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
