Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
