I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
