TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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