Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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