new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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