i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
