Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
