He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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