You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
