dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
