my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i jhust puked up my retainher.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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