carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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