She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
