i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
