Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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