I love black thongs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
