I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
