No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
