living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
