i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize