He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
