last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I party with great urgency now.
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