getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
