That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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