weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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