Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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