Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
