I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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