The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
